The longer you are in a relationship, the easier it is to project history onto what the other person says. It can be hard to take things at face value.

Take a simple question such as, “What are you doing this weekend?” In a casual relationship, you probably just answer without thinking about it. With someone in your family who you view as needy, you might instinctively assume they are angling for a visit.

If you are stuck in a bad pattern with someone, try a different approach. Consciously stop yourself from reacting and think, “What if I assume good intentions?”

Them: “What are you doing this weekend?”

You: “Not sure, I have some work to do and need to do some stuff around the house.”

Them: “Maybe you could come down for a visit?”

You: (Assuming you choose not to go.) “Thanks for thinking of me. I cannot come down this weekend, it will have to be another time.”

Them: “Maybe you could do your work down here?”

If you know you will not visit due to other things you will choose to do, no need to justify. It is your life, you decide how to live it. Instead of coming up with different reasons, just stick with one statement.

“Thanks again for thinking of me. I cannot come down this weekend, it will have to be another time.”

It might seem challenging at first, but if you are unwilling to change your mind, better to avoid reasons altogether. What if they find a way to explain why the reasons do not make sense?

With any relationship, you cannot directly change how another person behaves, but you can influence how they choose to behave. (If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem.)

Do your assumptions and reactions enable bad behavior or encourage good behavior?