Is it just me, or do we all expect more of the people we care about most? I know I was really hard on Trish when we were younger, but I always told myself it was because I knew she was so great. My delusion was that my high expectations of her made it ok for me to be critical of things she said. It is a wonder that she put up with me for so long. Probably a good thing for me that she is so tenacious.

When I look back on my younger days, one of my least redeeming qualities was a tendency to be overly critical. (If my sisters are reading this, yes, even more than I am now.) It took a while, but I found my way with the help of a couple of events:

The first one was a time when Trish was telling a story about some funny commercial and I questioned if she had the right brand (as if it mattered). I still remember the way her dad looked at me. I am sure he was disappointed as he was often treated the same way by his family and no doubt wanted better for his daughter. He was right, she deserved better.

The second event that stuck with me was seeing a woman come out of the wine store and say something to her partner waiting in their car. He made some derogatory comment about her mental health, got out of the car and left her crying while he went back in to get something she must have forgot. I am sure he was frustrated, but I could not imagine any reason to speak to someone that way.

More than anything else, these events made me reflect on how I made Trish feel when I was overly critical and helped me realize that patience and empathy are more important than holding someone to my arbitrary expectations. (Not to mention that my criticism was probably not very constructive, helpful or delivered tactfully.)

It might have taken me longer than it should have, but I finally figured out how lucky I am and acted accordingly. No doubt I still have some moments that remind Trish of the old days, but hopefully they are few and far between. If her dad was still with us, I think he would be happy with the success of our marriage and he would appreciate how much I respect his daughter.

Do you treat the people closest to you with as much dignity and respect as you give to others?