Contracting, communication and accumulated combustibles (by Duncan O’Brien)
As I sit in a bricks and mortar tower in central Warsaw, Poland, I’ve taken a moment to reflect on a few of my experiences over lockdown and beyond … there has got to be some learning in here somewhere!
I’ve recently been matched with a new coaching client and have also found myself a coach to help give me some much needed head space so maybe this also has driven me to write this down.
I’ll start with accumulated combustibles, a life pattern of mine, happening over and over in various areas of my life. It’s when I let feelings and emotions repeated build up without acknowledging or outwardly expressing them. Then all of a sudden POW !!! I explode and go off shredding all in the local vicinity, and normally the one person who has to deal with it had the least to do with it.
I’d also add I do this with clutter in my house too. “I’ll sort that out later then when I need the space,” guess what … it’s not there! Eventually it falls in on me and takes more time for me to sort.
Contracting is a relatively new term for me. Since beginning my formal coaching journey just over 3 years ago I was introduced to this front-loaded concept. (It’s a co-written agreement that states that during this relationship this is what we can expect from each other. This is how we safely explore, challenge and have fun while keep it contained and confidential.)
Starting to communicate the essence and lessons from both of these, for me, ultimately feels like it begins to change the quality of any relationships. But I have to be brave enough to bring it up.
So my question to myself and you here is… what is possible if communication is improved by real-time acknowledgement of emotions and taking a moment to contract to keep it balanced and respectable?
Hopefully, my questions cause you to reflect on your own thinking, relationships or choices. Maybe I even inspire you to make positive changes.
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